— william chapman (via gozd)
I’m soo fucking sick and tired of trying to convince myself of things. I’m happy. no, I’m not happy. I’m sick and tired of living in this piece of shit state. I don’t like being a minority in my neighborhood. I don’t like driving my alcoholic boyfriend around. I don’t like the sleazy people here. the crackheads that hang out on their front porches. the homeless people that stare at me when I drive my car down the highway. the broken down cars. the broken windows. I hate waking up to sirens in the night. to hispanic voices yelling across apartment complexes. I hate when the only person I live with falls asleep on me leaving me to lay idle in bed thinking about the past, the present, and what the future might hold. I’m trying to convince myself that this is where I want to be, but it’s not. it’s not where I want to be. I want to be with you, but not here. not now. this sucks and I’m sick and tired of trying to convince myself that I’m happy here. I miss the ocean, the white sand, the warm breeze, the palm trees, my friends.. I miss Florida and I don’t want to be here. this isn’t where I belong.
I’m not even mad.. not about being stepped on, or lied to, ignored, and utterly treated like shit by people that I thought meant the most to me. I don’t want to get out of bed. nothing sounds appetizing, I’m not even hungry. I can’t cry anymore tears because I don’t think there are any left right now. my room’s a mess, my hair’s a mess, everything in my life right now is a mess. I don’t want to be here.. or there.. or anywhere for that matter. I’d like to stay here crawled up in bed and never leave for a very very long timeee.
I just wanted to smoke a fat blunt was that really too much to ask? apparently soo.. #fml